dear grey sweatpants,

Hoo boy. I truly can't think of a single nice thing to say about you. I'm so sorry.

For you are an article of clothing that not even Miss Halle Berry could make enticing.

You know what I mean, the ones with elastic on the waistband AND on the ankles.

So wrong.

The only saving grace would be to make you into snuggly homes for kittens.

Lots and lots of kittens.